At just 19 years old Julia Ivory tells her story with a depth of understanding far beyond her early years. A perfectionist since childhood, she has always felt driven towards success in her education, her music, and her personal life… all driving her in different directions at the same time.
In early 2020 Julia was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, after more than 2 years of disordered eating and suffering with body dysmorphia. Despite the sudden and devastating death of her uncle, she had pushed through high school to graduate with flying colours and worked hard on her music, never missing a beat with the overbearing fear of failure hanging over her. Yet out of sight, her world was falling apart. Obsessing over how she looked and sounded felt like a necessary pursuit, but the relentless scrutiny permeated every part of her self esteem.
As her illness progressed, Julia’s periods stopped, her hair began to fall out, and her digestive system deteriorated. Her “mental monster” controlled her every mood, and would trigger frequent angry outbursts directed towards anybody who tried to help. Julia explains feeling scared and confused yet almost satisfied at the same time. The force of her eating disorder felt relentless but she remembers fleeting moments when it would fall away and she would feel overcome with sheer panic at the thought of the damage she was doing to herself. She didn’t want to disappear.
During this period Julia had avoided music entirely as it triggered too much anxiety but one night in the thick of her eating disorder, her instincts led her back to the piano. She mustered up all of her energy to lift her hands to the keys. Frail and scared she began to play and at once she remembered what to do. Julia was hooked on a keyline and before she knew it, she had written her debut single To The Bone.
Falling out of love with music was one of the best things that have ever happened for Julia. With time and space came an opportunity to rekindle her passion for music in a different way, discovering that it was never actually the music that she hated. Music is no longer about striving for perfection, it has become a part of her recovery.
“I gave up on music because I wasn’t enjoying the way I had been coached to perform, I never hated music. I Just didn’t know there were other ways to appreciate it. This for me was life changing as I started to try and have this mentality with my mental health and recovery. Going through this journey whilst in recovery was my ticket out of the hell I was living in. I didn’t hate my life, I just had to find the one that was good for me.”
Throughout Julia’s recovery her doctor has reminded her that she must push past through each difficult challenge in order to reach her happier self. From taking a month-long break from exercise, to training herself with healthier eating habits, to moving into her own flat to live independently, Julia is pushing through each roadblock that lies in her path to recovery with sheer determination. With her story and her music she wants to empower others to do the same and reassure them that whatever they’re feeling, whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally, is entirely valid.
“These battles are a lot easier when you have support around you, but there are many people who are alone in this fight and I hope that through my music I can be there for them.”
